13.7.1985

I never had real birthday celebration before. All that I could remember, my sister waken me up in the middle of the night. Asking me to wash my face and wait in the room. Suddenly she came up with a bottle of Coca Cola and a RM3 cupcake. Just me and her. She sang me birthday song silently. Its so wonderful. I’m crying to remember that. It was my 5th grade. She said that the reason why she did it just because I got 100% on my English paper.

I’m not asking for big ceremony or a party for my birthday. But if its happen. I’m complacent. Thankful enough with a wish from the real friends and the love ones.

Now I am 25. Open close the eye, it is a long time. And its time for me to think and move forward to be an adult. There are plenty of plan I wanna do in my life. So much more to achieve.

(where gone all idea that I had in mind just now…BLANK!!)

Ok, now. Coming to think about that, I’m extraordinaire honour my Mom for everything what she did to me since I were just a cell. She is spectacular! I never wanted this. I never wanted that. But she gave me everything. In the ways that she may could. You are wonderful Mom. I miss you so much and much more.

Memories. Those memories taught me a lot about life. Believe me if I write my real life condition since I born to know about the world, you’ll cry over it. Enough with if I just telling you, you don’t wanna be me. And you’ll be thankful enough to be yourself.

I do want to share this story with you guys. I doesn’t mean nothing but just a story…

I cant remember how old am I that day… Its 13th July early in the morning. My dad shouted asking for his mobile phone. Calling my name. Out of twelve siblings he just remember my name. I just awoken ‘unloadingly’ blur. I searched for his phone all over the house. Yes, no miscall can be done because it is only him has phone in the house. Found it dad! Then I gave it to him by hand… I’m rubbing my sleepy eyes. ‘Prangggg…!!’ There it goes on the floor…the phone.

‘Splattt…!!’ One soft touch on my cheek… Happy birthday my son~ thank you daddy.

Its doesn’t mean that I hate him now. But that memories I’ll remember on every birthday that I have.

There it comes the tears session, I don’t know how do I feel right now. One of my chatting friend asking me how do I feel? The best word to describe it that through my mind is… I feel NUMB~ The feeling that you know its your birthday but you don’t have anybody to celebrate with. Somebody that really know you. Sad and lonely. Vulnerable plus the feeling that like you think nobody cares or concern about you. Like the scrambled egg.

But I still thinking about someone, I don’t wanna blame him because he’s not feeling well. I still pray for him…on my birthday. I don’t want anything else from him other than to recover soon and be strong to fight it. I really wanna go there…but, could I?

Tik tok… 2400

Its my birthday…13 July 2010. Happy birthday Alexisqandar…!

Special thanks to Joehardy (the first to wish me on the phone), Araf, and Koci Berhad (facebook) and all. Love you guys…

Fuhhhhh…!!

I wish for a happy life…