Unrequited Love

I wish I could write an Ottava rhyme poem,

To call for my callously love...

I wish I can read a stanza of story,
For it will calm my hot heartbeats...
But already my desire and my will,
being pushed by power of the sun that gives shine to the moon...

And I to him,
Like a salt to a salmon,
Like a honey to sallads...

I complaining yes I am,
I really want you badly enough,
Hoping for the best that told by centuries ancient myth,
Devoted I guess...

Will you change this poem's title for me?
Coz it sounds no right not yet..

What about love?

I love you again... I love you more!

Hurm, what is it really about love? I can't stand to be alone again. Now I'm not sure was there is any left for me to love anymore.

What about love? What about feeling? Tell me baby what about us? How do I can stand when outside is raining slowly, feels like its run through my wounded heart and its really hurt! Pedih...

We should just keep holding hands and shows them we are happy together. I really missed the moment we had to the pair of us. Even its not so sweet and shortwhile, it is worth remembering for a lifetime. I just cant take my eyes on you the first time we met. Maybe you didnt realize it.

Huh, maybe I need Harry Potter to cast me the "Expecto Patronum" charm. So I wont be sad again or feel despair and its protecs me from get hurt. That seems to be ridiculous, yeah I know. But I wish you'll think of me too right now. I dont wanna just watch this moment go by.

So listen.... "I just wanna be happy"

(Lets me finish just a few paragraphs then I'll have my 'Sweet Dream')

You dont know what I'm feeling.. I dont know where I belong, but I'll be moving on. If you dont! If you wont love me as I am. The charm has come, I will find my own life. But I have to admit that you did inspire me, you gave me the strength to believe in myself. And for that, I thank you.

Is there any doctor here? I wish that you could look into my 'amygdalae'。。 I think I might need a neurological surgery to wash away my emotional feeling. Or I just need Hermoine Jean Granger to cast me 'Obliviate' charm to wept away my memory.

But baby, I still here as I were before.

I am sorry I wrote this, its mean nothing just another drama that plays in my head. But I hope you guys will find it entertaining and instructive.

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live a hundred minus one day... So I never have to live without you"


(c) Alexisqandar

Aku masih single..

Cliche kan?? Hehe..

Aku masih single bukan tak mahu mencinta atau dicintai, aku cuma tak mahu menjanjikan apa-apa untuk diriku sendiri. I do have crushes on some of them but still, aku merasakan tiada apa-apa disana and I feel stupido.

So, I just teruskan hidup seperti biasa. Memanjakan diriku dengan apa yang ku mau. Ohh ya, aku juga baru pulang dari short vacation di Sibu Island. It was fun and enjoying and cheap. Haha, biasalah bisness minded memang seperti itu. Selagi boleh jimat kan.

What's great about being single is, kita boleh jalan kemana-mana ikut suka ati, boleh beli apa-apa yang kita mahukan and do the decision yourself. Tak payah nak gaduh-gaduh argue pasal benda-benda kecik macam nih. Unless you guys sangat memahami antara satu sama lain and tolerance.

Ermm, for the time being aku tengah syiok melayan tv series dari German. "Christian & Oliver: Verboten Liebe". Series yang sangat sweet dan menggugat jiwa untuk mencari couple seperti mereka. Tersangat jealous okay...hahaha~! Tapi adakah orang yang seperti mereka? Cute, sweet, romantis (chewahhh), understanding, loving, caring and not so perfect but great enough as a lover. Verangannn...

Some says, "You still young and can do anything to enjoy your life. Insyallah you'll find your way" Well I hope so too. But for now there so many beban aku kena tanggung. Tak adalah aku enjoy sangat pun. Its family and self needs. Ermm.. scratch that. Malas nak fikir.

This week I will do some change to my life. Harap-harap apa yang aku plan nih berjalan seperti direncanakan.

I just need one... where life doesn't revolve around a clock~!

Attaboy...

P.S… I Love You

I really want to send a letter, like the classic love letter. Put it in the envelope and punch heart red stamp on it. Mail it miles and miles away. It seems the real me. Yes, I am a romantic guy. You can laugh about it, like I care! Waka~waka. My friend was choked on his smoke when he heard me said it.

I love you

Well, it’s not like I want my lover to send me a White Lily everyday. Saying “I love you” hundreds times a day. With just one sincere touch, will boost my heart and lighten up my day. Thank you.

Apparently, I love to write. I think you read enough at it. Lets call it love congeniality.

There is century white villa. Green carpet of grass on the yard with a beautifully crafted swinger midst of it. Flowery motive surface of crystal blue cold swimming pool. Light and fresh ambience. Soft sound of love music orchestrate indistinctively.

Flocks of birds flying low as they chattered vociferously. The white sweet mist blanket the morning sky. With shyness shine of sun waken up the vigorously calyx in the ornamental garden enclosed to the villa. Emitting its pervasive smell.

Homemade bolognaise, roasted fish, udang masak merah, Cheese Swiss Grilled Sandwich with Potato Roesti, freshly blend green apple juice plus sweet and colorful dessert concoctions. While having lunch we share funny stories.

Then, as far as eye can see, there is brown sunsets. Golden warm light illumination embrace our skin. Beautiful sounds of waves sing the song of nature. So intriguing. The love intifada.

Later in the night so blue, candle is all set. Two Lalonde Louis XVI design sofa bed opposite each other, smoothly crafted Flemish Renaissance sleeping bed covered with plethora of Bunga Harum Sundal Malam petals on it. Plus Lavender. We chat all night long. About life. About our world.

la~~la~~lala~.... la~lala~la (love song hums)

"Dear Love,

It is made me a man by you loving me. But even then, I’m not just a chapter in your life. There is more! And it is love who choose you sometimes. If love is a sin, then just let it be"

P.S... I Love You~!!

13.7.1985

I never had real birthday celebration before. All that I could remember, my sister waken me up in the middle of the night. Asking me to wash my face and wait in the room. Suddenly she came up with a bottle of Coca Cola and a RM3 cupcake. Just me and her. She sang me birthday song silently. Its so wonderful. I’m crying to remember that. It was my 5th grade. She said that the reason why she did it just because I got 100% on my English paper.

I’m not asking for big ceremony or a party for my birthday. But if its happen. I’m complacent. Thankful enough with a wish from the real friends and the love ones.

Now I am 25. Open close the eye, it is a long time. And its time for me to think and move forward to be an adult. There are plenty of plan I wanna do in my life. So much more to achieve.

(where gone all idea that I had in mind just now…BLANK!!)

Ok, now. Coming to think about that, I’m extraordinaire honour my Mom for everything what she did to me since I were just a cell. She is spectacular! I never wanted this. I never wanted that. But she gave me everything. In the ways that she may could. You are wonderful Mom. I miss you so much and much more.

Memories. Those memories taught me a lot about life. Believe me if I write my real life condition since I born to know about the world, you’ll cry over it. Enough with if I just telling you, you don’t wanna be me. And you’ll be thankful enough to be yourself.

I do want to share this story with you guys. I doesn’t mean nothing but just a story…

I cant remember how old am I that day… Its 13th July early in the morning. My dad shouted asking for his mobile phone. Calling my name. Out of twelve siblings he just remember my name. I just awoken ‘unloadingly’ blur. I searched for his phone all over the house. Yes, no miscall can be done because it is only him has phone in the house. Found it dad! Then I gave it to him by hand… I’m rubbing my sleepy eyes. ‘Prangggg…!!’ There it goes on the floor…the phone.

‘Splattt…!!’ One soft touch on my cheek… Happy birthday my son~ thank you daddy.

Its doesn’t mean that I hate him now. But that memories I’ll remember on every birthday that I have.

There it comes the tears session, I don’t know how do I feel right now. One of my chatting friend asking me how do I feel? The best word to describe it that through my mind is… I feel NUMB~ The feeling that you know its your birthday but you don’t have anybody to celebrate with. Somebody that really know you. Sad and lonely. Vulnerable plus the feeling that like you think nobody cares or concern about you. Like the scrambled egg.

But I still thinking about someone, I don’t wanna blame him because he’s not feeling well. I still pray for him…on my birthday. I don’t want anything else from him other than to recover soon and be strong to fight it. I really wanna go there…but, could I?

Tik tok… 2400

Its my birthday…13 July 2010. Happy birthday Alexisqandar…!

Special thanks to Joehardy (the first to wish me on the phone), Araf, and Koci Berhad (facebook) and all. Love you guys…

Fuhhhhh…!!

I wish for a happy life…