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Monday, December 23, 2013

Am I guilty?

Every once and awhile, I feel fleetingly guilty for loving my life.

I’ve overheard enough mutters about “Lex getting everything he wants” and “it comes so easily for him” and “but it always works out for you…” etc etc... that I’m slightly self-conscious about how others view my world.

But then I realize I’m being crazy and shake off the weird caring-what-others-think vibe, because I know the truth.
I don’t get everything I want. Not everything comes easily to me. It definitely doesn’t always work out for me.

(All of which is fine by the way. I’m operating in real life, not some imaginary la la land full of sparkles and unicorns and champagne toasts!)

So why does it look that way to some people? And why does it bother them so much? I’ve thought deeply about this. I try my best to represent my life accurately online since authenticity is my gig. As much as I’ve celebrated the highlights of my world, I’ve also shared the hard bits. I’ve talked about my struggle with depression, about the long slow process it’s taken to create my life as you see it now, several of my ghosts from the past, and my complete meltdown/quarterlife crisis that shook me to my core.
So why do some think my life is “unfair” or my positive attitude “fake” or that “I get everything want”?

Here’s what I’ve come up with…

I get what I want because I’m not afraid to ask for it. I spend a fair amount of time imagining possibilities, creating intentions, and putting out clear wishes to the Universe. I announce what I want in public and then I go after it. Hard. I work my ass off.

I get what I want because I don’t waste time wanting what I don’t want. I don’t dwell on setbacks (after the initial day or so of crying and woe-is-me-ing). I am a machine when it comes to simply trying again.

I get what I want because I spend a lot of time, energy and love nurturing the things I care about most deeply — my family, my business, and my personal integrity.

As far as the positive attitude goes, I think it has a lot to do with hope, confidence, and vulnerability. Not every day is peachy or upbeat or fun, but I’m grateful for every day, regardless. I’m gentle with myself. I prefer to focus on blessings, rather than lack. I would rather encourage than criticize. I let things light me up, even when it’s “cool” to be sarcastic or blase. I totally believe that rudeness, impatience or anger never helps the situation, so I tend to use honey rather than vinegar.

I honestly love myself and my life. And it shows. And I think that is what some people react to, especially when they are feeling down about their own life.

I don’t want to feel guilty about my joy.

In fact, I want to do everything in my power to share this feeling with others!

So, haters… As I’ve said before — Your anger/jealousy/skepticism is not on me. It’s on you, honey.
I’m going to continue to celebrate my life.

I’m going to continue to share my enthusiasm about whatever I’m excited about, whether it be a new business idea, gorgeous Frye boots, or my travel plans. I’m going to continue to honor my desire to feel all my feelings. I’m going to continue to be vocal about my happiness and my sadness. I’m going to continue to post pictures of my adorable look and leave status updates about my incredible life.

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