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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

P.S… I Love You

I really want to send a letter, like the classic love letter. Put it in the envelope and punch heart red stamp on it. Mail it miles and miles away. It seems the real me. Yes, I am a romantic guy. You can laugh about it, like I care! Waka~waka. My friend was choked on his smoke when he heard me said it.

I love you

Well, it’s not like I want my lover to send me a White Lily everyday. Saying “I love you” hundreds times a day. With just one sincere touch, will boost my heart and lighten up my day. Thank you.

Apparently, I love to write. I think you read enough at it. Lets call it love congeniality.

There is century white villa. Green carpet of grass on the yard with a beautifully crafted swinger midst of it. Flowery motive surface of crystal blue cold swimming pool. Light and fresh ambience. Soft sound of love music orchestrate indistinctively.

Flocks of birds flying low as they chattered vociferously. The white sweet mist blanket the morning sky. With shyness shine of sun waken up the vigorously calyx in the ornamental garden enclosed to the villa. Emitting its pervasive smell.

Homemade bolognaise, roasted fish, udang masak merah, Cheese Swiss Grilled Sandwich with Potato Roesti, freshly blend green apple juice plus sweet and colorful dessert concoctions. While having lunch we share funny stories.

Then, as far as eye can see, there is brown sunsets. Golden warm light illumination embrace our skin. Beautiful sounds of waves sing the song of nature. So intriguing. The love intifada.

Later in the night so blue, candle is all set. Two Lalonde Louis XVI design sofa bed opposite each other, smoothly crafted Flemish Renaissance sleeping bed covered with plethora of Bunga Harum Sundal Malam petals on it. Plus Lavender. We chat all night long. About life. About our world.

la~~la~~lala~.... la~lala~la (love song hums)

"Dear Love,

It is made me a man by you loving me. But even then, I’m not just a chapter in your life. There is more! And it is love who choose you sometimes. If love is a sin, then just let it be"

P.S... I Love You~!!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I never had real birthday celebration before. All that I could remember, my sister waken me up in the middle of the night. Asking me to wash my face and wait in the room. Suddenly she came up with a bottle of Coca Cola and a RM3 cupcake. Just me and her. She sang me birthday song silently. Its so wonderful. I’m crying to remember that. It was my 5th grade. She said that the reason why she did it just because I got 100% on my English paper.

I’m not asking for big ceremony or a party for my birthday. But if its happen. I’m complacent. Thankful enough with a wish from the real friends and the love ones.

Now I am 25. Open close the eye, it is a long time. And its time for me to think and move forward to be an adult. There are plenty of plan I wanna do in my life. So much more to achieve.

(where gone all idea that I had in mind just now…BLANK!!)

Ok, now. Coming to think about that, I’m extraordinaire honour my Mom for everything what she did to me since I were just a cell. She is spectacular! I never wanted this. I never wanted that. But she gave me everything. In the ways that she may could. You are wonderful Mom. I miss you so much and much more.

Memories. Those memories taught me a lot about life. Believe me if I write my real life condition since I born to know about the world, you’ll cry over it. Enough with if I just telling you, you don’t wanna be me. And you’ll be thankful enough to be yourself.

I do want to share this story with you guys. I doesn’t mean nothing but just a story…

I cant remember how old am I that day… Its 13th July early in the morning. My dad shouted asking for his mobile phone. Calling my name. Out of twelve siblings he just remember my name. I just awoken ‘unloadingly’ blur. I searched for his phone all over the house. Yes, no miscall can be done because it is only him has phone in the house. Found it dad! Then I gave it to him by hand… I’m rubbing my sleepy eyes. ‘Prangggg…!!’ There it goes on the floor…the phone.

Splattt…!!’ One soft touch on my cheek… Happy birthday my son~ thank you daddy.

Its doesn’t mean that I hate him now. But that memories I’ll remember on every birthday that I have.

There it comes the tears session, I don’t know how do I feel right now. One of my chatting friend asking me how do I feel? The best word to describe it that through my mind is… I feel NUMB~ The feeling that you know its your birthday but you don’t have anybody to celebrate with. Somebody that really know you. Sad and lonely. Vulnerable plus the feeling that like you think nobody cares or concern about you. Like the scrambled egg.

But I still thinking about someone, I don’t wanna blame him because he’s not feeling well. I still pray for him…on my birthday. I don’t want anything else from him other than to recover soon and be strong to fight it. I really wanna go there…but, could I?

Tik tok… 2400

Its my birthday…13 July 2010. Happy birthday Alexisqandar…!

Special thanks to Joehardy (the first to wish me on the phone), Araf, and Koci Berhad (facebook) and all. Love you guys…


I wish for a happy life…

Monday, July 5, 2010

I Remain...

There is a time, when you heard you heart call for love. You struggled to ignore the ignited flame in you. And then you vow to your soul. You thrilled to know who is that person? The only advicement remain in my head just say “I do”.

We have to realize, how far we run, how deep we dive we cant runaway from such called LOVE. I’m saying this because I also been single for about 6 month already and I have to admit that now I longing for somebody to love. Yes I’m in love… my heart is under attack, but I still couldn’t find who is to love?

Lately, I’ve been busy with my new job. It’s kind off challenging when have you to manage a branch with many type of customers and most of all controlling your youthful staff. I’m still trying to adapt to this life but I’m thankful for I’ve been given the opportunity to prove myself to the world. I can do it.

Nocturnal life? Equally to my insomnia habits. The job I have here require me to be flexible a.k.a chameleonaire. Sometimes I’m on day shift then night shift (work until 2am or 3am) and usually no off day for weekends.

But, I’m happy now! Gaining new friends like resurrection to a new life. Accommodate myself with anything that according to my personal needs to replenish my lifestyle. Even that, lets get back to the main focus I wrote this article… I just need somebody to love.

Its not that I already forgotten the person that I used to love before which is the love I never knew that mine or not. My love still there, but I don’t want to put all my hopes on it. Life is unpredictable. Not all that you want is what you get and not all what you got is what you want. Isn’t?

“Separuh Jiwaku Pergi” song is humming through my head. Yes I do love you, but not like this.

I just need somebody to love, somebody to share my funny and sad stories. Somebody beside me. I need someone to hug and kiss me tender to minimize my stress. Yes! That’s science; kiss and hugs can make us calm and complacent.

I never needed someone to taking care of myself on every datum. Don’t need to endure to my frivolity. Intertwined is great.

Off course I have my own specification. Write down this one: you never happy with someone who you didn’t like even you are in love with that person. Very much like an experienced to me. Believe me.
Love is like having beautiful wound. Even I see your sweet smile, I still can’t laugh with you. Sometimes we miss someone but we dont know his real name.. like ..we knw the song title but we dont knw how to sing it~!

This silent loneliness is brilliant. This type of feeling makes me write emotionally. Alone once again crying for you… Alone once again missing for you… Baby I love you I still waiting for you.