01:00 AM

Its 01:00 AM, and I still wide awake. Am alone at home tonight, my sister working night shift. She's a nurse.

I've been thinking lately, about what my life would be? what's love? home? family and money?

We can deny angel existance, we can deny they will help us when we really need them.. but you know, they show up in unexpected moment, unexpected place- in any form that they might do. Its up to you to believe that.

Maybe I really need an angel right now, or maybe they just let me handle myself to see whether I can handle it myself or not. My capability to survive.

There is so much to life as we speak, the decision we make will leads us to what it should be. So, decide for yourself. Forget about others cause they make thier own too and not too sure is it involve us or not. Figure it out then..

Oohh..its too late! I need to sleep and dream of my angel.. Gudnite. Attaboy~

Aku sempat kecewa... ( I was heartbroken)

Aku minta pada Allah setangkai bunga segar

Dia memberi aku kaktus berduri..
Aku minta pada Allah haiwan yg gebu nan cantique..
Dia memberi aku ulat berbulu..

Aku sempat sedih, kecewa dan memprotes.
Betapa tidak adilnya ini.. ahhhh~!
Namun kemudian…

Kaktus itu berbunga, sangat indah sekali,
Ulatpun berubah menjadi kupu-kupu yang teramat cantik..
Itulah jalan Allah..indah pada waktunya..

Allah tidak memberi apa yang kita harapkan, tapi memberi yang kita perlukan.
Walau kadang sempat sedih, kecewa, terluka.. Tapi jauh diatas segalanya.
Dia sedang merancang yang terbaik untuk kehidupan kita..
Masihkah kita berharap pada yang lain….?


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I request to dear Allah for a beautiful roses
He gave me the thorny cactus..
I request to dear Allah for fluffy cute pet
He gave me the caterpillar..
I was heartbroken, sad and protesting.
This is unfair...!! Ahhhhh...

But then...

The cactus grow a flower... so beautiful~
Caterpillar turn into colourful butterfly
Thats the way it is... Thats Allah way
Beautiful when its the right time...

Allah will not giving us what we wants but he will give all that we need
Even sometimes we felt sad, disappointed and hurts... Above all
He plans what best for us to be..

Do we still hopes and believe for something else..?

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Unrequited Love

I wish I could write an Ottava rhyme poem,

To call for my callously love...

I wish I can read a stanza of story,
For it will calm my hot heartbeats...
But already my desire and my will,
being pushed by power of the sun that gives shine to the moon...

And I to him,
Like a salt to a salmon,
Like a honey to sallads...

I complaining yes I am,
I really want you badly enough,
Hoping for the best that told by centuries ancient myth,
Devoted I guess...

Will you change this poem's title for me?
Coz it sounds no right not yet..

What about love?

I love you again... I love you more!

Hurm, what is it really about love? I can't stand to be alone again. Now I'm not sure was there is any left for me to love anymore.

What about love? What about feeling? Tell me baby what about us? How do I can stand when outside is raining slowly, feels like its run through my wounded heart and its really hurt! Pedih...

We should just keep holding hands and shows them we are happy together. I really missed the moment we had to the pair of us. Even its not so sweet and shortwhile, it is worth remembering for a lifetime. I just cant take my eyes on you the first time we met. Maybe you didnt realize it.

Huh, maybe I need Harry Potter to cast me the "Expecto Patronum" charm. So I wont be sad again or feel despair and its protecs me from get hurt. That seems to be ridiculous, yeah I know. But I wish you'll think of me too right now. I dont wanna just watch this moment go by.

So listen.... "I just wanna be happy"

(Lets me finish just a few paragraphs then I'll have my 'Sweet Dream')

You dont know what I'm feeling.. I dont know where I belong, but I'll be moving on. If you dont! If you wont love me as I am. The charm has come, I will find my own life. But I have to admit that you did inspire me, you gave me the strength to believe in myself. And for that, I thank you.

Is there any doctor here? I wish that you could look into my 'amygdalae'。。 I think I might need a neurological surgery to wash away my emotional feeling. Or I just need Hermoine Jean Granger to cast me 'Obliviate' charm to wept away my memory.

But baby, I still here as I were before.

I am sorry I wrote this, its mean nothing just another drama that plays in my head. But I hope you guys will find it entertaining and instructive.

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live a hundred minus one day... So I never have to live without you"


(c) Alexisqandar

Aku masih single..

Cliche kan?? Hehe..

Aku masih single bukan tak mahu mencinta atau dicintai, aku cuma tak mahu menjanjikan apa-apa untuk diriku sendiri. I do have crushes on some of them but still, aku merasakan tiada apa-apa disana and I feel stupido.

So, I just teruskan hidup seperti biasa. Memanjakan diriku dengan apa yang ku mau. Ohh ya, aku juga baru pulang dari short vacation di Sibu Island. It was fun and enjoying and cheap. Haha, biasalah bisness minded memang seperti itu. Selagi boleh jimat kan.

What's great about being single is, kita boleh jalan kemana-mana ikut suka ati, boleh beli apa-apa yang kita mahukan and do the decision yourself. Tak payah nak gaduh-gaduh argue pasal benda-benda kecik macam nih. Unless you guys sangat memahami antara satu sama lain and tolerance.

Ermm, for the time being aku tengah syiok melayan tv series dari German. "Christian & Oliver: Verboten Liebe". Series yang sangat sweet dan menggugat jiwa untuk mencari couple seperti mereka. Tersangat jealous okay...hahaha~! Tapi adakah orang yang seperti mereka? Cute, sweet, romantis (chewahhh), understanding, loving, caring and not so perfect but great enough as a lover. Verangannn...

Some says, "You still young and can do anything to enjoy your life. Insyallah you'll find your way" Well I hope so too. But for now there so many beban aku kena tanggung. Tak adalah aku enjoy sangat pun. Its family and self needs. Ermm.. scratch that. Malas nak fikir.

This week I will do some change to my life. Harap-harap apa yang aku plan nih berjalan seperti direncanakan.

I just need one... where life doesn't revolve around a clock~!

Attaboy...