Jokes of The Day

NAVY
A Navy psychiatrist was interviewing a potential sailor.
To check on the young man's response to trouble,
the psychiatrist asked, "What would you do if you looked out of that window right now
and saw a battleship?" The young sailor said,
"I'd grab a torpedo and sink it"
"Where would you get the torpedo then?"
The man replied, "The same place you got your battleship!"

(^,^)

JOHN
A cocky manager of a large office noticed
a new guy one morning and told him to come to his office.
"What's your name?" is the first thing the manager asked him.
"John sir" the guy reply shortly.
The manager pissed off. "Look, I dont know what kind of a place
you've worked before, but here I dont call anyone by thier first name.
It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority!
I refer to my employees by thier last name only
-Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all.
I am to be referred to only as Mr. Thompson.
Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?''
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling sir. My name is John Darling"
"Okay, John, next thing I want to tell you is..."

RUNAWAY DADDY

Beautiful nurse wallked into the maternity waiting room
and said to one man, "Congratulations sir, you're new father of twins!"
The man replied excitedly, "How about that, I work at KLCC Twin Tower!"
About an hour later the same nurse entered and annouced that
another man had just had triplets.
"Well, how do you like that, I work at Batu 3 Shah Alam!"
A third man then got up and started to leave, saying,
"I thinks I need a breath of fresh air - I work at 7 Eleven".....

Al-Quran is the Best Doctor

Semua penyakit yang Allah jadikan di dunia ini ada penawar nya didalam Al-Quran, contohnya:

- Surah Qaaf ayat 16 hingga 45, Surah Ah-Qaaf ayat 21 hingga 28 dan Surah Sod ayat 34 hingga 61 selalunya untuk penyakit yang ada kaitan dengan tulang (seperti sakit rheumatism, arthritis, sakit sendi, tulang patah atau fractured, slip disc, sakit tulang belakang)

- Surah Al-Buruuj ayat 1 higga 22 selalunya di baca untuk penawar sakit-sakit yang berkaitan dengan perut (seperti gastric, stomach ulcer) atau penyakit yang berkaitan dengan usus besar atau usus kechil.

- Surah Al-Israa' ayat 40 hingga 55 untuk pesakit yang mengalami sakit jantung, saluran darah tersumbat (blockage) dan jantung berlubang.

- Ayat-ayat dalam Surah Al-Anfaal untuk sakit jangkitan kuman/virus atau "infections". Ayat ayat dari Surah Al-Anfaal ini berfungsi sama seperti ubat-ubat antibiotiks.

- Ayat-ayat dalam Surah An-Nahli untuk memberi kekuatan atau tenaga kepada pesakit. Kekuatan dari segi fizikal dan kekuatan dari segi dalaman atau rohani. Ayat-ayat ini berfungsi untuk meningkatkan kekuatan fizikal atau immuniti (sistem daya pertahanan sesaorang). Peningkatan kekuatan rohaniah dari segi semangat dan keazaman pesakit.

- Ayat-ayat dari Surah Al-Anbiyaa', Surah Al-Qasas, Surah Al-Ma'idah, Surah An-Naml khusus untuk penyakit kencing manis (diabetes), darah tinggi (hyper-tension), sakit angin ahmar (stroke) dan lain-lain lagi.

- Ayat-ayat dari Surah Yusuf dan Surah An-Nahli untuk penyakit lemah tenaga batin untuk kaum lelaki.

- Ayat-ayat dalam Surah Maryam, Ambiyaa' dan Imran untuk sakit fibroid, ovarian cysts dan lain-lain sakit perempuan.

- Ayat-ayat dari Surah Fatah, Yunus, Hud, Az-Zumar, Ma'idah, Al-A'raff, Ash-Syura, Al-Qasas dan lain-lain surah untuk berbagai jenis penyakit kanser, sakit buah pinggang (kidney failure), hepatitis dan lain lain penyakit.

- Ayat-ayat dari Surah Al-Baqarah, Fussilat, Ash-Syu'aara, Al-Furqaan, Ar-Ra'd, Toha, Al-Mu'minum, Muhammad, dan lain-lain surah untuk penyakit gangguan sihir, santau, rasuk jin atau iblis, ilmu pangasih, ilmu pelalau, ilmu pemisah dan lain-lain penyakit gangguan atau "spiritual illness".



PENYAKIT ROHANI (SPRITUAL ILLNESS)

Surah dan ayat-ayat Al-Quran ini bukan sahaja dapat mengubati sakit-sakit fizikal (seperti kencing manis, darah tinggi, sakit jantung, kidney failure, saluran darah tersumbat) malahan ianya lebih berkesan mengubati penyakit-penyakit rohani yang disebabkan oleh jin, syaitan dan iblis (seperti ilmu sihir, saka dan racun santau).

Sihir yang sangat popular di kalangan masyarakat melayu adalah ilmu pengasih dan ilmu pemisah. Ilmu pengasih apabila ada orang yang ingin mempengaruhi emosi dan perasaan sesaorang dengan menggunakan jin dan sihir. Ilmu pemisah pula apabila ada orang ketiga yang ingin memisahkan pasangan suami isteri untuk mengawini suami atau isteri pasangan tersebut.


- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 1 hingga 25, ayat 44 hingga 55, ayat 85 hingga 95, ayat 103 hingga 203, ayat 165 hingga 186 dan ayat 244 hingga 255 adalah ayat penawar kepada sakit-sakit gangguan yang disebabkan oleh sihir manusia melalui jin, iblis dan syaitan.

- Surah Asy Syuaraa' ayat 95 hingga 118, Surah Arrad ayat 30 hingga 34, Surah Fussilat ayat 25 hingga 44, Surah Furqaan ayat 61 hingga 77, Al-Mukminun ayat 105 hingga 118, dan ayat-ayat di dalam Surah Taha, A'raaf, Hud, Surah Al-Hasyr, Surah Al-Ghaasyiyah dan Surah Asy Syura sungguh berkesan dibaca untuk mengeluarkan jin, benda-benda halus atau racun-racun perbuatan ilmu sihir atau santau dari badan manusia.

- Surah Muhammad ayat 21 hingga 32 dan Surah Taha ayat 120 hingga 135 adalah ayat "penyejuk" iaitu penawar kepada orang yang panas baran dan untuk mententeramkan jiwa, fikiran dan hati. Sekiranya hati rasa resah dan gelisah atau "moody" tanpa sebab, dengan mengamalkan ayat-ayat ini dapat mententeramkan jiwa dan hati



Insyallah kita amalkan ya...moga dimakbulkan dengan izin Allah

Life That Teach Me to Be A Better Man ::PART 2::

After all of my classroom laugh at me, I can laugh back at them when my teacher explain that there is nothing wrong with my pronounciation! Its just because I was taught different slang of english. From that moment, it gives me more enthusiasism to learn more about languange. Not only english but a few more that might catch my interest. Japanesse, Mandarin, Thai, Tagalog, Spanish and so on.

SPM result was out, I'm happy with it. Even not very good but I am satisfied. 4A, 4B, 1C. Plus my active record on Hockey, Silat Gayong, Basketball and Debate that would be a ticket to futher my studies. Then I got offer to Matriculation on Physicals Science Course. Then again I travelled all by myself to Kolej Matrikulasi Labuan, KML.

8 hours travel by bus to Kota Kinabalu Town from my hometown. Then get into a 3 hours ferry to Labuan Island. Directly shoot to the campus by mini bus and register myself at hostel. I realised almost all my school mate were admitted there. It became more chaosly chaos when all three my room mate are my classmate. It was good feeling but deep inside me, Damn! Isn't there anybody else to be my room mate. I am sick of them. Haha.

Class started. Nothing else got into my mind. Study.. study.. study! Matric classes are getting harder to digest. But I still try my best to follow and learn. But, what was happening is few of my school mate stuck in culture shock to the matric student lifestyle. Which is all up to you, nobody seems to care whether you go to the class or not. We are not in 'asrama penuh' anymore. No punishment for escaping class nor not finish your task. More likely to University lifestyle.

I learned few new things about life when I was there. It is all by yourself. Up to you on how you manage your life, financial and time. I also met new friends from other parts of Sabah and Sarawak. I can speak Melayu Sarawak languange and sometimes Sarawakian fellas thought that I from Sarawak as well. My best friend, Christopher are from Kuching. He is cool guy, nice smile and always with me when I need somebody. We are in the same Tutorial Class. We play skateboard together which he taught me how to play. I fell so many times until I got used to it. He always gave me encouragement. Thank you dude. I love play squasy, I taught him in return and I let him won at first just to makes him feels good. Oh, I miss my old friends already.

One thing I never forget is I think I'm in love with one cute beautiful girl named Angel. I always teased her in Chemistry class. Got her number but my heart is broken when she just want us to be friends. But its okay at least I can spend time with her and doing revision.

Few months later, i felt comfortable to hang out and doing things together with this guys group we called Kumpulan Rosman. Funny right? hehe. Because the head group is one little guy named Rosman which is finally I found out that he is my Counsins counsin. I had a lot of sweet memories with them. We go out shopping together. Doing homework together. Poker. Calling names at each other. Accusing somebody else were gay and etc. The most precious moments is when we sneaked out in the middle of the night and walk away to the beach and swim in the cold night sea. It was fun and enjoying moment. We doing barbeque, playing guitars and sings all night long. Almost everyday we doing that. And it was Ramadhan month somemore. So when we got back to hostel we took our Sahur directly and went to sleep.

Oh ya, I still remember when I were in Silat Gayong training. Everynight we have training after Isyak. The good thing when you join martial art is you became more alert than before. I did knocked my friend down when he touch my shoulder from backside. So sorry about that friends. You can feel the differnts too, you'd become more healthy and stronger. My sparring partner is Azlan, we always called him as Lan Komeng for his head is bald. And he is became one of my BFF as well. Sweet time when all of the 'pesilat' went camping at Pulau Pandan, we play and swim together. I dont know if he is gay but he is so lovely to me. Haha, and I'm the one he will searching for when he were sick and he will do the same as well. So, you know that I am a good on taking care of sick friend...hehe. Stop with that. I want to thank you our tok guru for trusting us to join Borneo Open Silat competition. Even we are still white belt but he taught us how to handle Parang, Keris and partner Art Sparring. May god bless you.

Owhh man.. I missed my old times together with my friends. Can I go back to school??

--to be continue (c) Alexisqandar 7

Life That Teach Me to Be A Better Man

I've been sitting in front my desk for a while, thinking what to write about? About my life, others or just a fiction. Then I look back and squeezing my brain off. About the world around us, its been a tremendously contaminated and polluted by our own hands. Be GREEN guys. About love and partnership life. Political views is untouchable for the reasons I don't know why? What is constitution for? Free to voice-up our minds. Oh forget it!

Lets just talk about us, what was happens, happening and in future preparations? I am graduated from one of biggest local University up-north. There is so much resistances and barriers I've been through. That is taught me so much about life and to be a better man. Been struggling to show the world that I can be somebody too. But still, it seems to me that I have to work more harder than before to achieve my goals and pursue my dreams.

I have been stand alone on my own since I was 15. Start to believe in myself to stay at school hostel. Focusing on my study for the PMR examination. Even though I never had the chance to bought my own reference books, just borrow it from some of good school mate. So, just think about it. If you borrow somebody else books and at the same time they might need it. You have to reschedule your study time. They sleep, you are awake to read or handwriting-copy it. They go for lunch-break, you still in the classroom doing reviews. Over sometimes, you might feel that life is unfair to you on that time. You try to understand it, but you are still young to face it. And that makes me much more matured than my age.

For that, I am thankful to Allah and my lovely parents, I've got such a good result but not really outstanding. Receive more than seven award for being a good student for several subjects, participation in schools projects and a big award that really shocked me. For I doesn't know that I have one more award left, since I'd checked my list that I received it all already. It is an ULTIMATE PRINCIPAL AWARD! Alhamdulillah. Such a sweet memories of school time of life. How about you? Don't you missed your school epoch?

After that I admitted to Science school out of my hometown for 2 years. I learn a lot of new things there. Being apart from family is one, but being somewhere called new place is something we have to cope with to adapt our lifestyle so we didn't look ignorance. Making some new friends, be a good boy and try to hide our personal secrets which best for us to keep it that way, otherwise it will be a disaster and ruin our relationships.

I met this one nice guy. Some friends says we like a twins just with different mom and dad, hahaha! just because our name almost the same and magically our parents name almost same as well. Where he'd be and there were am I. Sweet memories again. Skip that part. Nothing happens actually, just a close friend. Thank you for that.

This story maybe more interesting. It was my birthday 13th July 2001. That night after doing reviews for exam, I felt something is going to happen to me. Such a weird feelings, that like telling you things distinctively. I go to bed as usual. On my way to dreams, suddenly I felt a group of guys raid into my room. Strangled my neck, tied my hands and feet and kidnap me to somewhere I didn't know for my head veiled with fabric. Suddenly I felt they put me onto something wet surface. They'd runaway and I tried to open the veil covered my head with tied up hands. As soon as I open my eyes, I am in the toilet, someone splashed me with a nasty smelly liquids. Damn!! It was corny jack-fruit that been stocked for three days I guess. Owh man... Can you imagined? Hahaha. It was my dorm-mate devise. Not enough with that they laugh out loud on me. Then they pulled me out to the basket-ball court. They made a circle around me, one guy named King, for he's got the Perak Royal blood then says that there is a game called 'run and hide or you finished!' The rule is simple, I have to run and hide in the middle of the night around the school and they will chasing me. If I got caught, there is another punishment for me. In the count of one to ten... Vroommmm!! There I gone with full throttle sprint that I think I could win the Olympics Game. Such a humiliating moments. I hide in the dark far away in the middle of the Rugby field. Funny thing is I laugh back on them for searching me around the school in the dark. I have the gift, i guess, for I can see clearly in the dark. One hour after, they still searching and I can feel that they start to worried. For what I can see is that our warden is informed already about my missing in action. Then I sneaked into our dorm. I took a cold night shower then gone to bed sleep like a baby.

Next morning, there is big assembly occasions. The diciplinary teacher start to called several names which is list of them are the gang from last night event and lastly my name included. The board of school knew it then we have been punish to clean up the school every day for 2 weeks. Hereafter then we are being a closed friends. I start to learn to be a bad boys yet seems cool to the others eye. Sometimes to be a bad boy goods for your feelings. Don't be a geek! Nerd'o.

Next part. Science subject is my favorite especially chemistry. Love to do experiments way beyond the school boy should do. Even it not in the book. Here I became the nerd'O again. Too much question to a teacher to handle. Even sometime I corrected what the teacher says. That makes him like a fool to me. Sorry, didn't meant that. Next class I enjoyed as well is Physics. Love the way the teacher talk. The accent from Kelantaness always entertain us. Its time for me to be a bad boy. Biology?? Who didn't love the Microscope that magnify every little tiny thing. Cells, microorganism, blood etc. There is once one of the pervert guy try to magnify his own sperm. WTF!! Everyone was excited to view it. Add-math always challenge me. This subject, the most I did reviews for what I can remember. Its just such a feeling when you can solve an equation the feels like you have won a battle. I love my English teacher, she provide us with the Singaporean school syllabus that believed the degree a higher than Malaysian English. I remember the moment when she asked me to read a passage. I didn't know what are my classmate laughing at by time I start to read and read. Is it because of the way I stand infront or something wrong with my appearance? Or I pronounce it incorrectly? Finish that reading I go to my desk. Then my teachers asked the class why are they laughing? One of them replied it because the way I pronounce word of "the".... I pronounce it as "D" and they recommend it supposed to pronounce as "de".. I just smile. I bet you guys know why right?


-to be continued...ngantoks arrrr!! Comments please..

Terpanah Lembayung Cintamu

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Hujan bagai mengerti hatiku..

Makin gelora rasa hati ini..

Makin deras limpahan dingin saljumu..

Andai esok sudah tiada bagi aku..

Harapanku kau bahagia..

Telahku ku baca semua coretan kisah..

Lakaran kasihnya impian semua..

Tapi bagai aku sendiri tiada..

Sinar lembayung cintamu amat kuat..

Kadang ia menghiburkan..

Kadang ia terbisa..

Akar bumi bergoncang lagi..

Tiada kasihan melihat aku sudah tiada terpegang..

Maka jatuh juga menyembahmu..

Lembah-lembah kasihmu..

Masih aku tatapi..

Ku paksa juga hati ini..

Meneroka isi jiwamu yang kacau..

Agar bisa aku hidup bersamamu selamanya..

Oh tuhan..

Berikanlah aku..

Pancang-pancang teguhmu..

Aku mahu berdiri lagi diatasnya..

Demi mencari sezarah pahala dan..

Menghapus selautan dosaku..

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Alexisqandar 7

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